I often ask myself why I'm such a pessimist, and how I became so cynical. I wonder when I lost faith in my ability to be joyful. If I turn to point blame, I can only look in the mirror. After all, I am the choices I made.
Today, while lying in bed in that state between sleep and wakefulness, I caught myself thinking of a very special moment when I was 18. It galvanized me to think of other moments, trolling the river of time to find those nuggets. As I collected them, I realized I was rich in joyful moments, moments of wonder, moments of merriment, moments of passion. I had just buried them in a vault to which I had mislaid the combination. I moved to rearranged some baggage, found the combination and opened the vault.
I sat up, went to my desk and began writing them down:
Terra Nova Stars
Lake Ontario day
My best friend's wedding
A perfect music jam in a friend's kitchen
An incredible boat trip with a retired Canadian MP
My son playing on the steps wrapped up in a pretend world
Falling in love with books
My mother dancing a jig in her kitchen
Singing in the choir ...
The list kept going on until it filled pages. And I knew I had only touched the surface. There were many more nuggets to be found, savoured, and invited back into my busy, busy life.
I am sharing the nuggets, one at a time, as I find them. They're not in any particular order. They are not round, or square or oval.They are not finished. They are rough, and full of pock marks, indentations. They are covered with sand, or moss or loam. Some will shine and glisten with water droplets. Some will be hoary with frost. They may smell like a beach or a bunker on a hill, make you cry like an onion or giggle like a tickle. Some will be satisfying. Some will leave you wanting more. They will all be honest. They will all be real. They will all be gold.
I will start at the first on the list. Stay tuned for Terra Nova Stars.
First time reading a blog. Could relate to some of your special moments, especially the stars which I see so clearly at our cabin at Rattling Brook, Green Bay. There, it is so peaceful and you can be alone with your thoughts. Got one you don't really want to invade your space? Get rid of it by thinking about all the stars and the peaceful quiet - so quiet you can hear the waves lapping when a south west wind strokes them to the shore.
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